My friend Sarah recently wrote a blog post about a cruise we took to the Bahamas with my mom, aunt, and couple other people. She is AWESOME and you should not only check out her post about the cruise (especially because this post will make little sense if you don’t read hers first) but ALL THE POSTS. I tried to leave a long-winded comment, but blogger told me I could not ::sigh:: So below I reproduce my original comment on it. Blogger you cannot stifle me!
“Thanks, scolding TSA agent.”
–Heh heh heh. Maybe she figured “If my boss sees me scolding her REAL BAD throwing away this tube of toothpaste will appease his taste for the blood of large containers of toiletries.”
“Surprisingly, after that first day, we didn’t see them at all! WOO!”
–Yeah, that was amazing. Maybe there is a higher power.
“‘It’s sunscreen time!'”
–It sure as hell IS!
“Bro-ing out and being general douchecopters…”
–This may be my new favorite word.
“And dudes: if complete strangers are coming up to you while you are in line for breakfast, asking how you can be standing after the night before, you might want to pull up the reins on the drinking. Just a bit.”
–This should be posted on bulletin boards of every college dorm.
“Seriously, for four nights I had chilled fruit soup, which was AWESOME.”
“He was acting like they’re swimwear. They are NOT. I took pictures.”
–I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you took this pic! (And I giggle maniacally—yes it’s possible—every time I see it.) Too bad neither of us were able to snap a pic of Mr. Orange Trunks.
“But then we found out that the chameleons were loud as fuck and not that hard to find.”
–LOUD AS FUCK!!!
“The cruise director was named NOONAN, and he was kind of a jerk. We picked on him the entire time.”
“I AM proud to be an American, but that song is hideous, melodramatic schlock!”
–Seriously! Ugh. Almost ALL of the staff members on board are from other countries, which is completely awesome! The cruise ship doctor I saw was Cuban and lives in South Africa. I had a really interesting talk (muffled on my part due to the swollen uvula and all) with him about SA and was telling him how my coworker has been there several times and loves it. One of the best things about going on a cruise is meeting all of these people from different countries. And to be sitting there in an audience that was mostly fawning over themselves to cheer for this guy and this saccharine, empty song—they gave him a fucking standing ovation—while all but one of the staff members around us who are working their asses off to bring more drinks to these patriots are from other countries made me, to put it mildly, really uncomfortable.
“Our hotel (TropiRocks? I think) was small and charming, with a small and charming owner, and a dog, and a cat.”
–Yes, TropiRocks! It was indeed charming! He was indeed charming! And the framed picture of his dog in our room was also charming!
“We found Markham Park, which had a dog park called ‘Barkham Park’…”
–As one who has come to enjoy bad puns as a aide effect of having a boyfriend who spouts them constantly, I thought the name was almost as cute as the doggies.
“The sun was out, and then we saw a rainbow all the way across the sky…”
–WHAT’S IT MEAN???!!!
“Coming home, we ran into a guy who was flying with a cat in a carrier. The cat was so calm and not even drugged!”
–He and his cat were both pretty fabulous. I enjoyed meeting them.
“I had nightmarish visions of a tiny room, me with absolutely nothing to confess, but being pressured to confess anyway.”
–I would pay to be a fly on the wall during that interrogation.
–“Ma’am, are you aware that these toiletries do not pass TSA regulations for carry-on luggage?”
–“Okay, yes, I hated The Kid with a fiery passion! But that doesn’t mean I killed him!! You can’t link me to that overpass!”
–“Uh…ma’am? I’m going to have to have you sit tight here a second while I grab my supervisor.”
“Without NOONAN coming over the loudspeaker, mangling the text that he’s supposed to read in his annoying David Schwimmer-esque voice.”
–HAHAHAHA! Perfect end to an awesome post! I enjoyed reading it immensely (like, probably a little too much). And guess what, Sarah, guess what?!
IT’S SUNSCREEN TIME!!